Loving Fear

A small window of a certain sensation followed by a quick view upon an idea, and then a broad metallic armor of assurance has crossed my chest. What happened was the occurrence of Fear. For several days there was this fear taking over, causing my skin to shiver, and my hair to stand every now and then. Fear is the opposite of being happy and that's just the beginning. Fear is essential for the human life, but an overdose could be utterly devastating.

I was actually somewhere else when the sensation crossed my body starting from my eyes and ending at my heart. I was driving on the messy highway under a cloudy sky at evening time. A colleague of mine was in the passenger's seat, sleeping, while I was trying my best to stay alert and evade the acrobatics being made by trucks and micro-buses all around me, causing the highway to be something really close to a flea circus, but that's not our issue now.

The clouds were all above me, but the horizon was cloud-free. There was a chill of coldness in the air although the Korean windows around me were tight shut. Fear was worrying me, as of WHY? And most importantly what could take this fear away? I had a glance up my rear-view mirror, to see the most sensational scene ever. The sun was dark Orange, on its way home down from between the clouds, beneath the clouds, causing a reflection of Orange light over my eyes and my face. I was high in a sense! really! And I had this weird feeling that I've been here before. Here is somewhere that LOOKS like this scene but is a totally different place with an alternating environment. I took away all the chaotic parts surrounding me and acted as if I'm all alone, and I really believed that I was alone!

Then I felt this 'thing' in my heart. One fantasy of my childhood became true or something? This scene, this place, this air, that dizziness, that sort of calm music playing, all that is absolutely perfect. But.. it is missing something. Fear was so far away at that point, and I discovered that fear is one product of loneliness. I imagined my love sharing this same moment with me, my love in her gown with a question mark filling the position where her face is. I can imagine how her words would be, I can imagine the rate of her breath sneaking into my ears barely heard, I could make up the sensation of her existence next to mine, and the lean of her head upon my chest resting in comfort and peacefulness. Love filled my heart for her, I was absolutely full. Fear was totally out of the picture, it disappeared, and it never came back up till now.

Then I looked up into the clouds and thought: there is a higher type of love, much higher and more comforting. The love of God is a blessing that fills not just your heart, but your senses, your tongue, and your eyes with tears. This love completes you, makes you invincible, pumps molten metal into your heart rather than blood. You become as emotional as a volcano, yet as solid as a mountain. Amazing how both can be one, a mountain erupting into a volcano. And more amazing is the example God gave in His book, about how a mountain would act if the Book was sent down on it! Well that is the love of God. Makes you an invincible loving creature. Invincible does not mean eternal or undying, but it means unaffected by the happenstances of life, those that cause the storms of fear to brew upon our lives, declining the tidal wave of love. Fear is a feeling that opposes sharing and companionship strongly!

We all live under one same sky, and glance upon the same white moon. Does that person in that place look at that same moon I'm looking at right now? What is he/she thinking right now? what is he/she doing right now?

The world is a great place when we are near who we love. May we always be so!

Comments

sara said…
This is so overwhelming.. By far one of the most emotional feelings I've ever read..

Ya Allah!
Anonymous said…
Salaams Gold :),

you are so right about sharing beautiful moments with the person you love.But,as you said there is one love even greater than the one we human are capable of,that of God.So...if you think well...by every sunset we are always in company...in His company...and all the fear disappears ;)!

Till next time!
Gold said…
Natasha, the beautiful moments in this life are rare and should be an investment for the next life.. i mean: FINALLY you can do something that helps you in the next life while absolutely loving it.. something that you are born with that is supposed to drag you into hellfire if mis-used, and at the same time it can give you a boooooost towards heaven..!

An interesting way to think about it indeed..

Love is embedded into our hearts for a reason.. there are drawers in our hearts that need to be filled, yet if filled with the Love of God, then He will be the one filling them for us with that fits us most.. I believe so but Don't know if it can be applied on me or not? what is the criteria that I should fit in in order to have my heart filled with the love of the one who is right for me? One gets lost for a while, but really it is all written.. so why worry?

But still we worry, eh? Man is man!

Sara: mesh 7akallemek tany :$
sara said…
Abdo,

how can three tiny words from you have this powerful effect on my poor self?

I'm sorry if I'm missing something here.. Hope I haven't done any kinda harm to you! That's the last thing I'd ever want to do!

Sorry!
Gold said…
I was kidding :D
and expressing my kosoof from your pwoerful response :$

wallahi that was all :$

sorry ana ba2a! :D
sara said…
my powerful response? Did you read what you wrote?

anyways, to be even, let me tell you one thing.. Only one thing.. Well, it's not supposed to be "7akalemek".. it's "hakalemek".. with the "ha" not "7a" :)
Gold said…
:D

Yes I read what I wrote, a small typo has some reasons behind it:

- Making the bed
- Alemm el ghaseel
- chat online with a couple of friends
- prepare for a meeting, get dressed
- ghaseel mawa'een

hakallem myself soon like crazy ones.. if I haven't done it already *roll eyes*

its good to see you smiling:)
sara said…
arggggggg.. noooooo, I meant "did you read what you wrote", i.e. the post you wrote.. And then I moved on to the joking & getting even part..

Plus, I thought that's how you say it.. thought it wasn't a typo..

Rabinna Kareem..
Gold said…
Rabbina yeshfeeni :D

Popular posts from this blog

Profound Sanity

Random waiting-room banter

Dreams.. the plural of dream