Loving Fear

A small window of a certain sensation followed by a quick view upon an idea, and then a broad metallic armor of assurance has crossed my chest. What happened was the occurrence of Fear. For several days there was this fear taking over, causing my skin to shiver, and my hair to stand every now and then. Fear is the opposite of being happy and that's just the beginning. Fear is essential for the human life, but an overdose could be utterly devastating.

I was actually somewhere else when the sensation crossed my body starting from my eyes and ending at my heart. I was driving on the messy highway under a cloudy sky at evening time. A colleague of mine was in the passenger's seat, sleeping, while I was trying my best to stay alert and evade the acrobatics being made by trucks and micro-buses all around me, causing the highway to be something really close to a flea circus, but that's not our issue now.

The clouds were all above me, but the horizon was cloud-free. There was a chill of coldness in the air although the Korean windows around me were tight shut. Fear was worrying me, as of WHY? And most importantly what could take this fear away? I had a glance up my rear-view mirror, to see the most sensational scene ever. The sun was dark Orange, on its way home down from between the clouds, beneath the clouds, causing a reflection of Orange light over my eyes and my face. I was high in a sense! really! And I had this weird feeling that I've been here before. Here is somewhere that LOOKS like this scene but is a totally different place with an alternating environment. I took away all the chaotic parts surrounding me and acted as if I'm all alone, and I really believed that I was alone!

Then I felt this 'thing' in my heart. One fantasy of my childhood became true or something? This scene, this place, this air, that dizziness, that sort of calm music playing, all that is absolutely perfect. But.. it is missing something. Fear was so far away at that point, and I discovered that fear is one product of loneliness. I imagined my love sharing this same moment with me, my love in her gown with a question mark filling the position where her face is. I can imagine how her words would be, I can imagine the rate of her breath sneaking into my ears barely heard, I could make up the sensation of her existence next to mine, and the lean of her head upon my chest resting in comfort and peacefulness. Love filled my heart for her, I was absolutely full. Fear was totally out of the picture, it disappeared, and it never came back up till now.

Then I looked up into the clouds and thought: there is a higher type of love, much higher and more comforting. The love of God is a blessing that fills not just your heart, but your senses, your tongue, and your eyes with tears. This love completes you, makes you invincible, pumps molten metal into your heart rather than blood. You become as emotional as a volcano, yet as solid as a mountain. Amazing how both can be one, a mountain erupting into a volcano. And more amazing is the example God gave in His book, about how a mountain would act if the Book was sent down on it! Well that is the love of God. Makes you an invincible loving creature. Invincible does not mean eternal or undying, but it means unaffected by the happenstances of life, those that cause the storms of fear to brew upon our lives, declining the tidal wave of love. Fear is a feeling that opposes sharing and companionship strongly!

We all live under one same sky, and glance upon the same white moon. Does that person in that place look at that same moon I'm looking at right now? What is he/she thinking right now? what is he/she doing right now?

The world is a great place when we are near who we love. May we always be so!