Perpetual

It is with great discomfort that I do confess that I am not eligible to get close to other humans for a very long period of time. It is neither good for me not good for them.

I do not understand what is wrong with me, and till I do, I would not even attempt to bring my very unhealthy self to barge into anyone else's life and become an essential part of it. Things I do and am unable to comprehend, that have the habit of changing course in sharp angles at very short timings, and drive people around me crazy.

Unstable and inconsistent as I am now, I do declare myself as being hazardous to myself, as well as those who are unlucky enough to care about me.

I don't know what possesses me, or what on earth is going on with me, I really don't know, I swear I don't know.

I do things in great belief, then the belief fades away as strong as it has started, in a glimpse of an eye. Escaping is not going to achieve anything, but what to be done is totally not within my knowledge the moment of writing these very words.

One might just put a hand on the waist and wave around with the other and give me a four-worded expression that he learned from some psychiatrist on TV, because I'm not as wise as he is, or not as stable as his very self is, but no! I don't think anyone would be able to tell unless he's listened for what is not less than a story of a life.

I frown, I have been frowning for quite a long time now, can't hold a decent smile for more than a few seconds. I am not for human consumption.

And all I know now, is that I don't feel a thing.

Help me God!

Comments

Sara Mustafa said…
Abdo.. Abdo.. please :'( I noticed you're off FB and given your MSN status, I understood something was up. And so it is. And I want to reach out? Yet I'm not sure why. Let me catch you online some time?
1:47 am, November 22, 2009
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