An art, or just a normal thing?

Questions, that continue forever..

We all discover our own set of questions as we go on with our lives.. piece by piece a face is revealed just like a puzzle being formed, you search to put the right piece in the right place, until you can see the whole picture. Symbols are inevitable, those who cannot symbolize and relate according to examples, to be able to express how they feel, and to be able to actually feel something in particular and put their hands on what could make everything better.. those need help..

I am not trying to express something I am experiencing in particular right now, nor I am trying to complain from something, nor to whine though at times I feel like I am.. but all I'm trying to find is the other half of the scarrab.. I feel that the quest can continue for a long time, and if it does or if it doesn't then I don't care, as long as it doesn't involve the "idle" state of waiting and doing absolutely nothing. We were created in this world to work and move towards what we need, so that's what I'm trying to do.. but some pieces of the puzzle are still missing alright!

Is it just a phase, will it be remembered for the rest of my life? Or will there come a day when I would look back at all this and say "What the heck was he thinking?".. I don't really know, but it is a moment that I am living now, and attempting to overtake myself will only end up in more internal isolation and dividence, might as well institutionalize the small moi into a mentally harhat area.. if something like that ever exists..

For the time being, a stalemate is taking place, the type that makes you inable to really realize in which directions are things moving.. just a stalemate and a state of "nullness" or "numbness".. you don't feel bad nor you feel good.. you are not thinking but rather reacting, maybe just resting from thinking for a while.. even if there is something I so really want, I won't go out and take it.. Is it the art of being shocked that brought about this maneuver of idleness till time passes by and Bob becomes your uncle again.. phew.. so silence is the best practice now, eh?

There is only one more thing.. the thing that is the only thing actually.. surrendering to the will of Allah and that this is what he wants and this is who I am.. so this I should seek his guidance really hard through it.. If there is something that needs to be learned for sure, then it is patience and surrendering to His will.. not just that, and also be okay with it.. that's the lesson I should learn, that's the lesson we should all learn.. how much do we have to pay for it? Patience and will.. faith in what is best..

May He enlighten all our days.. Amen

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