Here we go..
Six years later, here I am.
Am I the same person? Not really.
Have some upgrades of some parts of me, and then downgrades in others, if you wanna call them downgrades anyway.
Overall I cannot complain, yet the thing I miss the most is inspiration, in the realm of creativity and the universe of artistic romantic simplicity.
An artist is as good as his source of inspiration, and practice, and I don't have both; so a huge 6-year gap has occurred between myself and my "artistic" side, that left a huge volume of vacuum somewhere inside my creation.
When vacuum starts leaking, there is a huge implosion that takes place, but the implosion is not what I should worry about; it is rather why the Goddamn leak happened in the first place, or rather a puncture, an accident that you cannot have controlled no matter what you did.
On the professional level.. well, this is not a professional blog so no, not gonna discuss the professional advancements in here.
Brain-wise, yeah, I feel like I was using 10% of my brain power back in my home country. There's not enough space to explain how far multi-cultures can do to your brain, and how naive and flat-brained living in a single culture for a long time could do to you.
Part of it is also just growing up.
But then again, no matter how experienced, smart, or in control you could be of your life, there would come moments when you would be clueless as a 10-year old left out on the streets of Kampala looking for a free Banana.
And the more experienced you are, the more powerful the blows, its like driving with a freight train in your blind spot, one wrong move and you're not just in an accident, nope, your vehicle does not exist anymore, it has moved on to a parallel universe, and you are left with the remains of a steering wheel, putting you in an unexplored zone.
Best thing my experience tells me to do is just lay low, do nothing, and you know, you'd eventually get a new vehicle, move on and just forget about it. Well yeah, if I have a freight train knocking me up every other day I would be able to do that, but when it is the first time in your life that's a different story.
I could be really naive, bloating things up beyond their actual proportions. Again it is an experience that has just landed on my plate, a piece of momentary fantasy that occurs once in a man's life probably.
What I know about myself is that I'm not a man that leads an activity without feeling it, one of my life-long problems. If I don't feel nothing I don't do nothing, be it study, work, love life, or even family life, I'm not someone who fakes emotions, even when my job forces me to, that's why I build strong relationships only with customers I really like, and they like me back accordingly, not with those I'm forcing myself into being nice with, it doesn't cross to the other side.
Another conclusion about life, as I was reading my 8 years younger self down there: you can never really judge anyone for anything they do, you could be in their shoes one day and do the same thing.
The human self is a really complicated thing, especially for sensitive people, that are in tune with energies of the world around them, especially around other people, and I feel that the more you advance physically, the better your senses are in tune, because you would just possess more energy to consume on "reading" and "sensing", and this is where things get really complicated..
Unless, you start un-feeling.
Not sure I really wanna do that, a skill that could come in handy though.
Well, see you soon, not in another 6 years I hope.
Am I the same person? Not really.
Have some upgrades of some parts of me, and then downgrades in others, if you wanna call them downgrades anyway.
Overall I cannot complain, yet the thing I miss the most is inspiration, in the realm of creativity and the universe of artistic romantic simplicity.
An artist is as good as his source of inspiration, and practice, and I don't have both; so a huge 6-year gap has occurred between myself and my "artistic" side, that left a huge volume of vacuum somewhere inside my creation.
When vacuum starts leaking, there is a huge implosion that takes place, but the implosion is not what I should worry about; it is rather why the Goddamn leak happened in the first place, or rather a puncture, an accident that you cannot have controlled no matter what you did.
On the professional level.. well, this is not a professional blog so no, not gonna discuss the professional advancements in here.
Brain-wise, yeah, I feel like I was using 10% of my brain power back in my home country. There's not enough space to explain how far multi-cultures can do to your brain, and how naive and flat-brained living in a single culture for a long time could do to you.
Part of it is also just growing up.
But then again, no matter how experienced, smart, or in control you could be of your life, there would come moments when you would be clueless as a 10-year old left out on the streets of Kampala looking for a free Banana.
And the more experienced you are, the more powerful the blows, its like driving with a freight train in your blind spot, one wrong move and you're not just in an accident, nope, your vehicle does not exist anymore, it has moved on to a parallel universe, and you are left with the remains of a steering wheel, putting you in an unexplored zone.
Best thing my experience tells me to do is just lay low, do nothing, and you know, you'd eventually get a new vehicle, move on and just forget about it. Well yeah, if I have a freight train knocking me up every other day I would be able to do that, but when it is the first time in your life that's a different story.
I could be really naive, bloating things up beyond their actual proportions. Again it is an experience that has just landed on my plate, a piece of momentary fantasy that occurs once in a man's life probably.
What I know about myself is that I'm not a man that leads an activity without feeling it, one of my life-long problems. If I don't feel nothing I don't do nothing, be it study, work, love life, or even family life, I'm not someone who fakes emotions, even when my job forces me to, that's why I build strong relationships only with customers I really like, and they like me back accordingly, not with those I'm forcing myself into being nice with, it doesn't cross to the other side.
Another conclusion about life, as I was reading my 8 years younger self down there: you can never really judge anyone for anything they do, you could be in their shoes one day and do the same thing.
The human self is a really complicated thing, especially for sensitive people, that are in tune with energies of the world around them, especially around other people, and I feel that the more you advance physically, the better your senses are in tune, because you would just possess more energy to consume on "reading" and "sensing", and this is where things get really complicated..
Unless, you start un-feeling.
Not sure I really wanna do that, a skill that could come in handy though.
Well, see you soon, not in another 6 years I hope.
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